Joshua Tree, Me

I must admit that the day got off to a rocky start, so I'm struggling a bit to find grounding.  I'd like to simply say that vata has taken a hold of me, but I'm not entirely certain that is all that is going on.  It is definitely part of the struggle I'm facing at the moment, but not all of it.  

I am honestly at a loss as to what to write today, but I wanted to stick to my commitment to be present on this blog and speak to the things that are bubbling up to the surface for me in the here and now. I think the best approach is to just open myself to a free flow of thought.  I think I will focus on how I relate to vata.

Joshua Tree, Route 66

I decided to write about this picture, because it represents much of how I feel about my relationship to vata.  The isolated tree. The dryness. The sage bushes.  The large open sky.  All of these things dominate right now in how I'm relating to the world around me.  There is a sense of isolation that I am experiencing. An exposed isolation amidst the dry brush blowing and shifting all the world around me.  The sky so large and limitless, but not in a way that provides a sense of possibility. Rather, it is a limitlessness that is heavy and scary, because it feels out of my control and out of my comfort zone. 

I have an affinity for Joshua trees.  There is something I'm drawn to in the jaggedness, the awkwardness, the bristles, the way it survives in the an extreme climate. All of these qualities are alive in me in ways that, at times, feel amazing and empowering, but then at other times it feels lonely and frightening. It is as though my whole being is getting whipped around and hit by gusts, which takes all I can give just to remain upright. 

Today is a day that feels like the wind is beating me around, flinging me around in a whirlwind of emotions.  I have been able to stay centered and stable and like I can maintain a level of rootedness regardless of the wind, but it is tenuous, hurting and anxiety-ridden.  My goal today is to just keep finding the earth reminding myself of the rootedness that is inside of me.  Rootedness. Joshua trees. Me.  We all have roots that extend and thrive beneath the surface, waiting for attention.