My Kapha Day

I had been trudging along with a high level of vibration and motion throughout the early winter. Vata has been on overdrive throughout most of the early winter—much to my surprise and in some ways, relief, in all honesty.  It’s not that I enjoy the vata energy more than kapha, but I have to admit I appreciate being in motion and doing more than the feeling of getting stuck in a rut.   

But I hit the weekend and suddenly everything went into slow motion.  Things that I thought would be pretty simple and straightforward started to feel fuzzy and distant.  I honestly did not want to do anything.  Nothing for work. Nothing creative. Nothing active.  I just wanted to be.  I just wanted to not think.

Early winter, with all that vata energy and motion, was not without its hiccups.  I was struggling to get to sleep. I had frequent headaches. I was struggling to find routine and grounding.  I was in full-force twitching mode.  I’ve been creaky and dry.  My lack of sleep and, at times, random energy, clearly caught up with me on Saturday. I call it my kapha day.  I ended up staying in or near my bed most of the day.  I wasn’t necessarily sleeping. I spent time watching movies and reading and relaxing and snuggling and just…hibernating from the world.  It was the exact opposite of what I had planned for the weekend. It went against my calendar, to-do list, and my need to prepare for classes.  But I was tired and had no energy for anything.  So I gave into rest. The odd thing is that I didn’t feel guilty about it.  I often fester in guilt when I stay home all day and just piddle around.  I allowed myself that day.  It was an odd feeling.  To let myself just be. 

What that day ultimately felt like, though, was me vibrating and running onto a thick muddy road.  It wasn’t hard or painful. It was like I was moving too much and to fast and I was suddenly slowed down by something beyond my control.  I didn’t trip. I didn’t fall. I didn’t slam into anything. It was more like everything started taking more time and energy and more coaxing to get through.  But it afforded me more time to move carefully and intentionally. It afforded me time to experience a deepening of the world. Not exactly sinking, it was more liberating than that. It is hard to describe what I have been experiencing over the past several days. It is more like I am moving down and into something different, something new.  I have been trying to remain curious about it rather than shifting into panic mode.  It has been liberating.  Holding onto the curiosity has changed my relationship to kapha.  I’m starting to see how I can relax into kapha.  Not fear it quite as much.  When I give it the time to work through me, it feels less like being swallowed by the world than moving into new spaces of myself.