This weekend I made time for retreat. A day to go inward. When I think of the word retreat, what immediately comes to mind are Mirriam-Webster's main definitions:
- "the act of withdrawing from what is difficult"
- "the process of receding from a position"
Given the past few weeks, I one might assume this is the form of retreat I was taking. Battles at work have been taking my time and there is nothing I have wanted to do more than withdrawal.
But that was not the retreat I had endeavored to take. This retreat was closer to Mirriam-Webster's other definitions. "A place of privacy and safety." "A period of withdrawal for meditation."
It is interesting to think that the same word that means privacy and safety also means withdrawing, giving in, surrendering. Because another way I think about retreat is that it gives me a chance to reconnect with myself. And that is usually some of the most difficult work that I can do. But it does require surrender. It is one thing to stand up to a bully at work; it is entirely different to take a good hard look at your own self and sit with all the aches and discomforts that arise once all the distractions are gone. That chosen surrender is anything but easy. Withdrawal can take you on some pretty deep journeys.
"The problem is not the amount of things you have in your life, it's the attitude. It's your fear of space. Busy-ness in the Tibetan tradition is considered the most extreme form of laziness. Because when you are busy you can turn your brain off." -Reginald Ray
Retreat becomes a way to turn your brain back on. It is is turning away from the things that alienate me and moving into the life I want to live. But it requires getting lost in those deeper spaces within.
When it's a conscious choice, getting lost, in Solnit's assertion, is its own form of retreat. It is a surrender.
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