Galaxies Inside

This has been a challenging week or so.  I've missed a few weeks of posts because I have been struggling to get myself to write.  I have been in a state of unrest. It is almost like I've been shaken up like a snow globe and I'm slowly waiting for things to settle.  

Yet, I can't wait for things to settle.  I know in this state I need to feel and allow what surfacing to have a moment be alive and awake.  But the feelings are prickly and painful.  Yet beautiful.  Much like the Joshua Tree.  

I have been trying to do work that takes advantage of this moving and shifting around to try to push for some deeper changes. The Path of Practice has been an important guide through all of this. Tiwari has introduced new mantras and breath work that are not letting me turn away from what I'm experiencing.  I have been working a lot with the mantras of Kali and Durga.  I have also been journaling on my family relationships.  I'm doing this simultaneously with school starting, which requires me to enter into an intense dynamic.  This is early fall. It is supposed to be a season of reorganization and celebration.  This year, it has been a season of disruption and discomfort.  And I don't mean this in a bad way. The feelings are intense and I know it is work that I need to do.  But I'm in a place of discomfort that leaves me wanting to jump out of my skin.  So many times this week I wanted to turn around, run, and burrow as deeply into the ground as physically possible. But it wasn't simply because bad things were happening. It was because I was trying to do things in new ways.  I am trying to change some deep patterning.  

Dream Stop
I have had a recurring dream of traveling in a space ship and leaving this galaxy.  In the most recent one, I was on the ship with a man who was the captain and then his son was on it too.  It was incredibly vivid. The colors, textures, nuances of the world introduced to me. I watched out the window as we traveled through different atmospheres.  I was filled with an incredible amount of excitement, yet at the same time overpowered by the feeling of being out beyond any safety net.  I thought about how, if anything happened, there was nothing there to save us.  Then, I thought about how this was an opportunity so few people would ever have in their lifetime. I was seeing something others would never get to see. I was taking a journey that few people get to take.  In my dream, I began to realize that this was something to revel in and not let my fear take over my ability to find true joy in traveling the galaxies.