It's No Longer about Momentum

The past week (more like 10 days)  has been challenging.  Kapha keeps pushing and pulling me into spaces I'd rather not be.  Uncomfortable spaces.  Lonely and fearful spaces.  What is different for me this season with kapha, though, is that I have been able to stand apart and watch myself a little bit more and not get pulled down the rabbit hole so completely, totally, and fearfully. I have been able to recognize relatively quickly that it is perception that drags me into some of those sink holes. And it's fighting the seasonal shifts that can get me into a hell of a lot of trouble.  What  I mean by that is that it is that I'm realizing how important it is to work smart with my routines and activities.  It is less about getting the stick out and being aggressive and mean to those sinking urges.  It is more about focus and intention, so that the feelings that kapha promote do not take over and define me in the ways that they have in the past.


What became clear to me is that relying on the momentum of my vata energy is not a way to develop the focus and intention I need to keep kapha balanced and effective. Relying on momentum often means that when that energy is gone, I am left in a muddy puddle, unable to keep the fire moving old stagnant energy out of my body. Meditation over the past several days keeps taking me to a place where I hear myself saying, "It's no longer about momentum. It's about digging deeply and finding the real energy and fire that is bound up and trapped in your fears."


And it is fear that keeps me from going down the rabbit hole with curiosity and joy.  It is the fear that once down there, I will never get out, that immediately takes over.  Rather than being curious about the discovery and possibility of the treasures that are awaiting me, I am often overwhelmed with the fear of never escaping the rhizomatic tangles that shape the earth.  When I stop trying to fight my way out and wasting energy, I am able to observe my inner world a bit more closely. I see that there is an amazing storehouse of energy, creativity, and life just waiting for me to recognize it, embrace it, know it.  So my work as of late has been focusing on that fire in my solar plexus.  It is about nurturing that fire and staying curious about the trappings of depth and darkness. It is about opening up to the energy that is there and no longer relying on surface momentum that takes me nowhere but deeper into my fears. The abstract fears that really do not have a home aside from my mind's perceptions and stories of what I thought was supposed to be.  Now it is about finding that energy storehouse within.

Tao Teh Ching: Chapter 41
The wise student hears of the Tao and practices it diligently.
The average student hears of the Tao and gives it thought now and again.
The foolish student hears of the Tao and laughs aloud.
If there were no laughter, the Tao would not be what it is.

Hence it is said:
The bright path seems dim;
Going forward seems like retreat;
The easy way seems hard;
The highest Virtue seems empty;
Great purity seems sullied;
A wealth of Virtue seems inadequate;
The strength of Virtue seems frail;
Real Virtue seems unreal;
The perfect square has no corners;
Great talents ripen late;
The highest notes are hard to hear;
The greatest form has no shape.
The Tao is hidden and without name.
The Tao alone nourishes and brings everything to fulfillment.